I'm in my early 50s and I've been angry for many years. Angry with my wife for being frigid. Angry with my kids for ignoring my advice. Angry with my bosses for being incompetent.
This recently came to a head with my family. I went on holiday with my sister's family. Her husband is a total asshole. After a week of being in close quarters with this piece of shit, I told him to just fuck off.
Obviously this is really tough for my sister but she points out I'm just too angry, and she's right. She told me I should see someone and get help.
My question is, who should I see? How do you find a competent person who can actually sort out a lost cause like me? Do I need a shrink, a guru, a spirit guide? Or just spend the rest of my life angry and miserable.
I have THE PERFECT therapist for you! Seriously. His approach EXACTLY fits your situation.
His name is James Hall and he's on the Danforth.
James Hall MEd., MA (Cantab), CRPO Registered Psychotherapist. https://www.jameshalltherapy.com/
Along with being a great general Psychotherapist, one area of his practice is especially appropriate for what seems to be the core of what's troubling you. That being you harbour a lot of internal angst by having to put up with shit to keep the peace. This internalizing festers and becomes malignant.
Dr. Hall practices (among other techniques) is called "Gestalt Therapy". Stripped of all the fancy psychobabble, it comes down to you explaining to him what you're feeling (internalized anger due to frustration of dealing with what you think is bullshit or whatever just to keep the peace), and then once you go through a few sessions to share your experiences (this vacation Fuck Off for example), then you one-way role play by the therapist being the guy or your wife, boss whomever and then. you being able to tell them what you REALLY think. Something that you couldn't say face to face in real life.
In a case of conflicts like you describe, you could say to your kids something like, "
You know guys, I'm not trying to be a controlling dictator, I'm just trying to pass on my life experience so that you can better succeed or not get yourself into trouble". But of course you go into as much detail as you want. Therapist might ask you to expand on something but will never be confrontational or be argumentative. It's not a shouting experience though. You could say
"Boss, I respect your position and authority but FFS, just let me do my job as I AM competent, and you stick to YOUR job of MANAGING company resources in the optimal direction. "
He refers to it generally as "experiential therapy". It's more formally called "Gestalt Therapy". But when you inevitably Google "Gestalt Therapy" you're going to think it's kooky and too airy-fairy intellectual blabbering. Don't let it dissuade you from seeing him. He's $160 an hour, half the price of a HH Leolist therapy session, and well worth the gamble to see if it's the right thing for you.
In my case, I had/have a few people in my life that were scrrewing me over, but in the circumstances there was little I could do about it except ride it out. The role playing of me telling off a rich client who owed me a shit ton of money that I had to wait for, helped me get through that time without my frustration and anxiety boiling up inside me.
Another issue I wanted to deal with was the sudden cardiac death of one of my best friends or almost 40 years whom I put off calling back "in 10 minutes", and then forgot to. Two days later, his girlfriend called me and told me he had been found dead in his bed.
She asked what advice I gave him when he called to ask if he should go to the hospital because of indigestion and arm pain. He had first called her to say he wasn't feeling well but was just going to go lie down. She told him to go to the hospital immediately but he said he was going to first call me to ask my advice as he was vacationing in Florida at the time and didn't have health insurance so didn't want to go if it was a false alarm. (He was very wealthy and could afford to self-insure).
Imagine my guilt when this friend who we both confided our deepest secrets and gave each other extremely valuable advice, died because I didn't call him back to TELL HIM TO CALL 911 and tell them you are having heart attack symptoms.
With Dr. Hall I got the opportunity to let it all out and 'tell' my friend how much his friendship meant to me, what a difference he made in my life, how much I loved our global adventures as much as just him laughing his ass off when he was trying to teach me how to grade with a bulldozer, or when he switched the controls of his excavator he loaned me from Caterpillar to John Deere! And most importantly of all, I got to say sorry to him and explain that he had just called me when I woke up and had to have a piss, then realized I was going to be late for a flight so had to hustle. I know he would have understood, but it hurt me thinking that he died waiting for me to call him back when I said I would. Dr. Hall (James) played the role of my friend so well because we first spent a session talking in a casual conversational tone, as a patient-therapist so he could understand me, my friend and our relationship. The next session, James played the role of my friend and asked me to speak to him as if I were speaking to my friend and could tell him anything and everything I had felt, was feeling etc. James replied a few times to continue to prompt me and said a few things EXACTLY how my friend would have. The most important things being that he was already in his 70's (but looked 55) and had a great life, that I enriched his life and he hoped he had enriched mine, and that I was ALWAYS there for him to confide in (he was a rough-tough ex-pipeline equipment operator who went private and made a fortune, so he couldn't break his rough-tough persona to anyone except me) and so not to feel guilty for that ONE missed callback because I had been there for him so many times before.
Finally he asked
"Would you do our friendship the favour of forgiving yourself and remembering me for all the times we had?" Just the way he
said asked me lifted this heavy weight off my chest. I felt so much better. It was like waking up after surgery and not remembering the pain I went through... if that makes sense.
It was so cathartic and I finally felt,
almost, fully at peace
When I was considering doing a self-guided psylocybin (Magic Mushrooms) trip to try to re-set my creativity, he was very helpful in guiding me to what pre-discover more explicitly what I wanted to accomplish. But to be clear... he is NOT a psylocybin, ketamine drug practioner, promoter or anything of the sort. He simply said there is ample scientific and research materials online to make my own decision on the matter and that he neither advocated for, nor dismissed to role of psychedelics. He did suggest that IF I were to pursue it, that I should both speak to my physician in case I had underlying health issues, and find a real psychedelic therapist before I made any decisions.
He is also someone you can seek counsel.advice on making things that are already good, better. It doesn't always have to be about solving problems.
I've not seen him in a year or so both because he helped me resolve and learn to deal with many issues (even just the issues of procrastination, losing my creative zest) and because not much is troubling me right now. But sometimes I would just go to have a chat with him for an hour about things I don't have a friend or family member that I would subject my idle musings aloud and rambling to!
Whenever I leave his office, I'd leave happy!
I've recommended him to a few friends over the years that needed that kind of therapist and ALL have said he was exactly what they needed. In fact, I recommended him to a TERB member whom I became friends with offliine. He had one specific issue and said that while the matter was not fully resolved, that he felt way better as the matter became more of jsut an occasional thought, not all consuming.
Hope this helps and you get sorted out.
Qualifications
www.jameshalltherapy.com
