Sexless relationship of 3 years - tips?

[boobie519]

Not trying to be a dick, but are you sure she is not banging somebody else?

Would be a crazy turn of events, but I highly doubt it since we're together most of the time. The actual sex has always been a bit of an issue. Even during sex, she has problems staying wet. I have to do oral every time otherwise we'd need to use lube since it's dry. I'm not sure if it's a mental thing for her or her lack of hormones/steady period that's causing it. I will say if we smoke weed, she's really into it and we have no problems - I'd love that kind of passion more often. We don't smoke (and don't want to) that often, but when we do it leads to pretty great sex.

EDITED to say if any women here who've experienced this condition or know of someone who's been through it is able to chime in, would be interesting to hear from you!

 

[boobie519]

I have a friend whose wife has been ill for 15 years and will not be getting better. When she was diagnosed, the sex stopped instantly. He has a child with her who is a wonderful human being and he has held on mostly because he is just not wired to throw them under the bus, and he was actually celibate for the first 7 years.

On one trip to TO, another friend introduced him to the Spa scene and ever since then he would blitz whenever he came to town. He eventually graduated to escorts and currently sees at least one Indy per day when he visits. Nowadays, instead of being totally depressed, he is like a pig in shit.

Realize that not everyone can afford to live like this, but this is just one option. Take advantage while you can. You won’t live forever.

If there's one thing I think I'd try is asking her if she'd be open to exploring other couples potentially. I jokingly brought it up and was defending people who engage in that lifestyle and she didn't seem TOO bothered by it. Figured I could phrase it like I need my physical needs met, blah blah since there's no way she can deny our lack of intimacy.

 

[xix]

Not trying to be a dick, but are you sure she is not banging somebody else?

Could be there are ways to hide a cheating game.
Also maybe she is having doubts and may be a lesbian/bi.

 

[Moneyclutch]

It seems everything is fine when you bang on weed. You should find something that can get her to relax/be intimate in very much the same way. Shrooms, Molly are options I've heard anecdotally. If that doesn't work try to find what drives her wild so that she can't live without sex. Sex is suppose to clear the cobwebs for ladies too.

Do one of 3 things:

1) ask her to take a shower with you, than pee on her

2) in the 1 time a month you bang, hold her hands above her head or ask her to choke you

3) in doggy, at the same time, with your left hand, hold her head down into the bed, with your right hand, hold her arm behind her back like you are arresting her

The idea is find out what drives her wild.

Good luck.

If all else fails, ask /Rocco_s on here how to uncork a lady that can't get wet without drugs

 

[boobie519]

It seems everything is fine when you bang on weed. You should find something that can get her to relax/be intimate in very much the same way. Shrooms, Molly are options I've heard anecdotally. If that doesn't work try to find what drives her wild so that she can't live without sex. Sex is suppose to clear the cobwebs for ladies too.

Do one of 3 things:

1) ask her to take a shower with you, than pee on her

2) in the 1 time a month you bang, hold her hands above her head or ask her to choke you

3) in doggy, at the same time, with your left hand, hold her head down into the bed, with your right hand, hold her arm behind her back like you are arresting her

The idea is find out what drives her wild.

Good luck.

If all else fails, ask /Rocco_s on here how to uncork a lady that can't get wet without drugs

2 + 3 sound like they're worth a shot - thank you for the suggestions!

 

[avg guy]

OP, not knowing (or wanting you to share in an open forum) your SOs medical condition, a hysterectomy might be a solution for her health and your sex life together. I say this only because I have friends who are a couple and they had similar issues that you describe, but once they had a couple kids (out of life goals) AND had the procedure shortly after, they are like rabbits. In their case, her periods would last 2-3 weeks with one week recovery and repeat. From what limited knowledge I know about this stuff, a Woman's sex drive might / should decrease after the procedure, but not in their case. Be sure to consult with your Doc.

They are now well in their 50's and still going like high school kids.... to the point I know to excuse my visit no later than 8pm. Lol.

All the best and hope it works out.

~AG

 

[Ref]

Last resort would be to go to couples counselling. If that does not work, then leave. Do not be unhappy for the remainder of your life.

 

[IM469]

Come on guys, show her a little sympathy. Just say: Look I still love you (and don't want to loose half my shit) but I understand that you may want me happy but you really can bring yourself to enjoy sex with me. I don't want to force you as it would be unfair. I have an idea that does not force you to have sex with me but at the same time let's you share my intimate sexual pleasure.

Meet our new bed partner - Yvonne ..

 

[NotADcotor]

Fine she has hormone issues. If she actually gave a fuck, she still has an ass, a mouth and hands, plus there is lube unless the condition is really bad. Improvise, adapt, overcome, urrah!
She shouldn't leave you hanging like that. If a guy had erectile dysfunction and refused to do anything with a girl, hands, mouth whatever, everyone would be lining up to shit on him.

Also if she is not touching your penis, and at once a month, it's a rounding error from 0, she has no right to tell you what you can do with Mr Happy Pants. Granted she doesn't see it that way, but another reason to dump her.

 

[boobie519]

Fine she has hormone issues. If she actually gave a fuck, she still has an ass, a mouth and hands, plus there is lube unless the condition is really bad. Improvise, adapt, overcome, urrah!
She shouldn't leave you hanging like that. If a guy had erectile dysfunction and refused to do anything with a girl, hands, mouth whatever, everyone would be lining up to shit on him.

Also if she is not touching your penis, and at once a month, it's a rounding error from 0, she has no right to tell you what you can do with Mr Happy Pants. Granted she doesn't see it that way, but another reason to dump her.

In fairness to her, she'll ask if I need help if I need to release and cuddles or gives me a (unfortunately bad) blowjob lol if there's anything about the SP world I miss it's the mind blowing bjs I've received haha

 

[NotADcotor]

In fairness to her, she'll ask if I need help if I need to release and cuddles or gives me a (unfortunately bad) blowjob lol if there's anything about the SP world I miss it's the mind blowing bjs I've received haha

Well at least she is putting in some effort, can you coach her. I know when it comes to the other way around, I take instruction, not that I always get it but still.
I mean crikey, if you are going to go there, you might as well do a whiz bang up old job.

 

[Goodoer]

@boobie519 I've been in a relationship for 19+ years... Sex slowed down after marriage and has been sexless for 14+ years.

My honest advice is to leave now before marriage and for sure before kids. It will not get better. The lack of sex will eat away at you and wreck you mentally. You're still young and without children.

Make it quick and don't worry about the pain. Think of the pain you're avoiding.

All the best.

 

[Leimonis]

My question is how does a woman who gives bad blowjobs get a second date, let alone to live with or marry somebody?

 

[Goodoer]

My question is how does a woman who gives bad blowjobs get a second date, let alone to live with or marry somebody?

This too! My wife gave awesome blowjobs and was fun in the sack. You don't even have that to give you hope. RUN!!!

 

[Tony2000]

I am not a psychotherapist so this is only my .02.
We all know that there is a mental component to sex and you indicated that the sex is good when she smokes weed and is able to let loose.
This suggests that maybe a sex therapist could help her. Others in this thread have suggested couple counselling but I think a sex therapist for her would be called for in this case. The issue is her sexual desire, not your relationship.
I agree with the others that I would be reluctant to get married until this issue is resolved.

 

[boobie519]

Appreciate the advice from everyone so far! Wasn't expecting such a big response and makes me feel supported since I haven't talked about this to anyone until posting here. Thank you all!

 

[hockeyguy19]

Wow, reading all this really makes me realize how lucky I am. My wife is the complete opposite. The older she gets, the hornier and more adventurous she's becomes. When we first got married, if I mentioned the word threesome, she would just laugh it off and jokingly say things like "we'll see" or "maybe". Now, I mention it and she jumps at the idea. She's always been hot but as she's gotten older (early 40's now), she is taking even better care of her body, eating healthy, gym, etc. She is deathly afraid of falling victim to "giving up on life, appearance, etc". She loves the attention guys give her so that also helps. And she also had her share of medical issues such as ovarian cysts which were not very pleasant for her.

We have two types of sex. The intimate sex between us and the fun adventurous sex that we have with others. We regularly see SP's (I have written a few reviews on that), we enjoy watching each other have sex with others, etc.

Perhaps, what you need to do is to have very frank and open discussions about what you want. Perhaps exploring something more adventurous will help. It can be something as little as having sex somewhere in public, not necessarily a full blown threesome or sex party. The key is to try and make sex enjoyable again and bring back the 'wanting'.

Hell, even when my wife is having heavy cramping and bleeding at that time of the month and doesn't feel like having sex, she still tells me that she wants to make me cum.

My point is that you should not look at passing time as 'it's only going to get worse' situation. With the right attitude and communication, it may change for the better.

Just trying to shine some sun on the situation. Good luck.

 

[massman]

This is a tough one, especially since you are otherwise quite compatible it sounds. Unfortunately tho, with time, the lack of sex will eat away at you and you’ll probably end up resenting her. I’d try to deal with this problem sooner rather than later. I’m not sure the best approach but be honest with her what your needs are. Maybe a professional can help.

It’s good that she at least seems willing to help you out and get you off sometimes. Maybe a little more of that can help bridge the gap between your sex drives. The added bonus is her bjs will get better with practice, afterall that’s how the SPs you’ve seen got so good!

In this situation an affair seems tempting, but such affairs almost always lead to emotional attachments that become very complex, and run a real risk of destroying your relationship. The sneaking around is also exhausting and very stressful. Furthermore if you end up in an affair with someone who really is into sex, when it ends (and it almost always does) you will find yourself in serious sex withdrawal, and resenting your partner even more.

Like I said, try to deal with this now. You don’t want to be in the same situation in 10-20 years and look back with resentment. Trust me.

 

[Goldrod298]

I can't be the only one who's in this type of situation so I thought I'd ask for some advice. I'm in a relationship (my first - I visited SP's before) and emotionally we connect really well. We live together and I feel as though we are soulmates so to speak on that level. The only problem is, yes, sex. I'd say on average we have sex maybe once a month - pretty standard stuff as well with a mediocre blowjob lol but that's besides the point. We're not old either - I'm 34 and she's 30.

With that said, she has hormone issues and her period has been an ongoing medical issue which I completely understand and is something she has been going to doctors for, but with no solution as of yet. I try to be as supportive as I can, but it's just been really tough for me over time to even try to initiate sex if I know my efforts will be shut down because she's either too tired or not in the mood. I find myself browsing agency ads every now and then or scrolling dating/affair apps and get tempted to go for it, but eventually decide not to.

I'm not sure if there's a sensible way to approach this situation. I've discussed lack of sex with her in the past and it might increase a couple more times a month, but then just falls back into what it is now, which is not much. I really can't imagine what it's like to have sex 2 or 3 times a week that I read about from other couples or see talked about in articles. Sounds like a dream based on my situation! We've had sex twice in a day once in our relationship and I'm reading about Scottie Pippen doing it like 4 times a night haha

Anyhow, thanks for reading and thank you in advance if you provide any insight

Stating based on facts and perspective you provided

• Stick with her, as finding soul mate is harder than finding sex mate
• Affair is the worst thing you can do as it will eventually spoil what you have in your relationship
• Know that you are blessed with staying in region where accessing SW service is way easier. Make use of that to satisfy your needs, just add these expenses to cost of living.

 

[richaceg]

If you feel you don't get enough sex...you have to get it elsewhere...for her benefit...