Very Ominous

[SchlongConery]

Another one from sickipedia.net


Olympics chiefs BAN a list of 'harmful' words describing trans athletes - and tell journalists not to call them 'born male', 'biologically male' or mention a 'sex change' during the Games in Paris. Just stick to "She has a cock".

 

[SchlongConery]

My father told me I'd never amount to anything. Now one of us earns six figures whilst the other became an unemployed alcoholic who's now in a mental institution. Anyway, he's coming to visit later.

 

[thumper18474]

I read that...By Law...you must turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden...
How the hell am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden??!!!

 

[thumper18474]

The sky was looking ominous today so I asked Siri..
"Surely it's not going to rain today"...and She replied...
Yes it is ..and don't call me Shirley..
That's when I realized my phone was on Airplane Mode

 

[Mr Deeds]

A traffic cop stop me on the road the other day walk to my car and said "papers"? And I said "scissors I win" and drove away. He must have wanted a rematch cause he's been chasing for the last 20 min.

 

[thumper18474]

I was doing a chemistry problem last night and ask my friend
whats the symbol for Sodium hypobromite?
He said ..NaBrO..
So I said alright..fuck you.. keep your secrets!

 

[thumper18474]

Self defense tip #23
If a woman pulls a knife on you..pull out some bread coldcuts and Mayo...instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sammich!
Follow me for more Self defense tips....

 

[thumper18474]

Did you know that the inventor of the sandal was..French Inventor
Phillippe.Philloppe?
Who'dda thunk it

 

[thumper18474]

A short description of my recent trip to Paris...

I was walking along and I tripped
Eiffel Over
It hurt
The end

 

[thumper18474]

An angel asked God one day...what are you doing?
God said.."I'm making Canadians"
Angel:awe they're so nice!
GOD: Oh yeah?..watch this..and he dropped a hockey puck!

 

[thumper18474]

Earier today Isaw a bumper sticker that read
"I'm a veterinarian..therefore I can drive like an animal....Suddenly I realized there's alot of proctologists on the road!

 

[kherg007]

An angel asked God one day...what are you doing?
God said.."I'm making Canadians"
Angel:awe they're so nice!
GOD: Oh yeah?..watch this..and he dropped a hockey puck!

Steven Colbert once said don't mess with Canadians because Canadians' idea of fun is to strap razors onto their feet then go punch each other in the face in the middle of a frozen lake.

 

[thumper18474]

The wife asked me if I still had a comb since I'm bald..
I said ofcourse I just couldnt part with it!

 

[SchlongConery]

Back ohm to the resistance jokes!


So an electrician gets home at 2am. His wife asks "wire you insulate?" He replies "watts it to you. "I'm ohm aren't i?"...

 

[SchlongConery]

I saw a gay crow.

At least, I think I saw a gay crow. It might have been a raven homosexual.

 

[SchlongConery]

Best store ever #badlogo #logo #baddesign #marketing #graphicdesign #wtf #funny #badsigns#dirtymind

youtube.com

 

[Mr Deeds]

One day my wife asked me"will you still love me when I'm old?"I thought then said "how old" she says 80 I then said "what would you taste like" she says " what would an 80 year old taste like" I said
depends

 

[thumper18474]

I was at the grocery store on Saturday picking up some Molasses for a recipes and I got to thinking...
What do they do with the rest of the Moles??

 

[thumper18474]

I accidently got ketchup in my eyes last night
Woke up this morning with
Heinzsight!

 

[thumper18474]

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat...DONT OPEN IT

It's Spam!