Very Ominous
- Thread starter thumper18474
- Start date
My wife asked me to take her to a restaurant where they make the food right in front of you...she got all dolled up and I took her to Subway..that's when the fight started!
The Married Man's Prayer:
Dear God...You gave me childhood
Then took it away
You gave me youth ..and again You took it away..
You gave me a wife...
It's been years now...Just putting it out there!!
Dear God...You gave me childhood
Then took it away
You gave me youth ..and again You took it away..
You gave me a wife...
It's been years now...Just putting it out there!!
Went to Walmart today...at checkout the cashier said my total was $372.28..
So..I went to the self-checkout for a second opinion ...and my new total was$14.28
So..I went to the self-checkout for a second opinion ...and my new total was$14.28
Apparently the guy who invented the ferris wheel never met the guy who invented the merry-go-round...
They traveled in different circles
They traveled in different circles
Rodney Dangerfield: When we got married my wife and I agreed to only smoke when we have sex. I smoke one cigarette a week; somehow she's up to 3 packs a day.
Relationship math (a bit dated, so forgive)
Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = affair.
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage.
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy.
Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = affair.
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage.
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy.
I was in Walmart the other day and saw this woman crying hysterically..cus she lost $300!
I am a firm believer in paying it forward so I gave her $100 from the $300 I found in the parking lot!
When you get blessed...you have to bless others!
I am a firm believer in paying it forward so I gave her $100 from the $300 I found in the parking lot!
When you get blessed...you have to bless others!
That moment when your steak is on the grill, and you already feel your mouth watering
Do Vegans feel the same way when mowing the lawn??
Do Vegans feel the same way when mowing the lawn??
I was in a restaurant last week and I heard 2 very large ladies conversing with accents sitting across from me..I said.." cool accents..are you 2 ladies from Scotland?"
Then 1 of them yells..It's Wales you idiot!
So I said OK..are you 2 Whales from Scotland?
I don't remember much after that!
Then 1 of them yells..It's Wales you idiot!
So I said OK..are you 2 Whales from Scotland?
I don't remember much after that!
Not to brag..but I just went into another room and remembered why I went there...
It was the bathroom .....but a small victory is still a victory
It was the bathroom .....but a small victory is still a victory
I was at the Gym the other day with my trainer and he asked me what kind of squat I was accustomed to?...
I said ..Diddly!
I said ..Diddly!
My uncle got his tongue shot off during the war.
He never talks about it though.
He never talks about it though.
I went to a psychologist wearing nothing but saran wrap. As soon as I arrived, the psychologist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."
