Weight issue

[jw01]

Hello Guys/Girls
I have a dilemma on my hands. I've been dating for the past year and my gf has recently put on some weight. Mind you, I adore her and would do anything for her, but her weight is somewhat bothering me - mainly b.c its on her stomach/legs.

I have had talks with her about her weight, and she is trying to go to the gym (cardio etc) but I dont think she is fully motivated or into the whole losing weight idea. Although it shouldn't be an issue, but the fact that she is against me looking at other slimmer women has made me ask for some form of advice. It's a sin in a way for me to even look at a women!

I have tried the nice guy approach and told her. I went to workout with her, but to no avail, she thought I was being to hard and doesnt want to ever workout with me again lol. She keeps emphasizing how she is on a diet, but clearly, she is not. I understand her intake is not much, but she eats alot of bad fried food. Whenever I bring this topic of her eating bad, I seem to be the bad guy and yeah, you can go from there.

So to the ladies and guys, how to I tackle this situation? She hates on other women being slim/fit, but I dont think she's making a full effort to work out or do what it takes to get there. She's been slacking off a fair amount and her eating is not great by any means. So what should I do? I seem to be the bad guy all the time telling her to gym, but frankly, she has to or she may gain more weight and it might hurt her down the road. So pls help in this situation. How do I get her to work out or do something properly? I have tried sending her links on what areas to target, what to eat etc, but lol she gets upset at me - which I find kind of absurd. But anyways, help in this matter will be appreciated.

Cheers...

 

[papasmerf]

sounds as if she is no longer on the hunt.........So she relaxed and knows she can be who she is and not bait.


Happens all the time. If her letting herself go bothers you than you need to show her before and after pictures and ask her why.


Then you need to ask yourself if it matters

 

[Hard Idle]

... but the fact that she is against me looking at other slimmer women has made me ask for some form of advice. It's a sin in a way for me to even look at a women!...

You sure you're in the right place?

This always fascinates me. How does someone who is on this board EVER get involved dating a person with those kinds of beliefs????

Anyway, there is no real mystery or dilema as to what's going on here. She's making a statement total contempt for you and taking you for granted. It's revealing a part of her real character. How you wish to take that is your choice.

 

[stang]

Not much else you can do, until you make the realization that you are no longer attracted to her.

 

[roxyfan]

Buddy - dump her fat ass right now. The worst thing that can happen now is that you have a brain spasm a year from now thinking you love her. Once that first kid comes out - kaboom....she puts on 30lbs and it never comes off. If men are expected to support their women then the least they can do is keep themselves thin and sexy...its a fair trade off.

 

[Dewalt]

Right there with you Roxy!

 

[tboy]

The first thought that comes to mind is: You sound surprized? LOL I mean, I have yet to see a woman maintain herself the way she did before she got involved (seriously) with a guy.

YOU have to decide whether you want to continue with her (and her weight will only get worse) or move along to the next one. Just remember this: if you continue and eventually marry her the little extra she's carrying now will be minor to the amount she will be packing on 12.2 parsecs after you say "I do".

I know many will say "we are shallow" and it shouldn't matter, but the only problem is us guys admit it openly that it bothers us. Women go about it a different way (they say they won't settle which is ok). Sorry, but it isn't shallow to want to be with the woman we met, dated, and fell in love with, not the woman we fell in love with x 1.5 lol.

 

[Meister]

It goes in cycles:

teens naturally skinny
20s any bit of fat looks sexy
30s kids flubbertummy
40s female midlife crisis turns into spin classes, yoga


Some women in their 40s have better bodies than 20 year olds. It's the trend these days.

 

[tboy]

Actually Meister, while teens used to be naturally thin/lean, with the nintendo generation of complacency teen weight ...problems....is getting worse. Back in the day it used to be like 1 or 2 in a class were bigger. Now it's around 30 - 40% (or so some surveys indicate).

Anyone remember that bowflex commercial with the 50 yr old grandmother in a bikini? A close friend of mine is hitting 50 this year and man, she's got the body of a 20 yr old. But she takes really good care of herself and she could easily pass for a 30 something. It's just about how we maintain this vehicle....treat it like crap, and it'll look like crap.....

 

[hunter001]

You could admit you are a shallow bas**** and move on.

 

[tboy]

You could admit you are a shallow bas**** and move on.

I don't want to start another long drawn out battle with you hunter but you could curtail your name calling and stick to the problem at hand.

Personally I don't think it is shallow to fall for a woman and be concerned when she changes her physical appearance.

Now let me ask you this: would you say the same thing about someone who was with a large woman who then lost weight?

How about if you become involved with a woman with blonde hair then after a year she goes punk and dyes it purple? Or gets a tattoo of a celtic cross on her forehead?

 

[chazz_matzz]

Be honest with her, one of two things will happen;

Either she will do something about it because she cares about your relationship and her health

or

She will get upset and resents you cause of it and you will need to decide if you want to move on.

I had this conversation with my GF and we both agreed to make an effort to stay in shape as we both agree that extra pounds aren't sexy and would hamper our sex life.

Another thing you could try; as a couple do physically active activities

A few examples;

Walking and talking

Roller blading

Skiing

Climbing GYM

She will burn calories and you both get to have fun

 

[21pro]

i'm conscerned of my wife too as she nears 30 years old... only thing is, i'm the one that became fat, and she's become thinner... she freaken looks like Victoria Beckham lately... and I had to join the terb weight loss club... she's usually been around 110-115 ever since i've known her, but lately she's alot closer to 100-105... pretty tiny for 5'5" IMO...

i'm wondering if she found someone else...?

jw, i surely think that you need a woman's p.o.v. on this... there's no way you can break the news to her without sounding shallow, so ask some of the girls here on terb... i know a few of them have lost a fair bit of weight. i hope that can help...

as for my wife, she's beautiful.. f'in hawt.. but, she's non stop energy... she jogs for 10 mins every morning... (or should i say run), she has a personal trainer 5 days/week at 10 am, walks the dogs at noon, pilates at 2, shops and cooks for 5... at 6 she's gone for her dance classes (she's an instructor) home by 9:30... and if it's not the weekend she's lights out by 11pm... oh, and she does kickboxing classes on tues, thurs and saturdays...

 

[The Cunning Linguist]

The first thing we need to know is how much weight has she has gained. And what type of frame she has. What does her mother look like? Is she tall, or short? Is she busty? If she's 5.5 and weighs 110, and is now 120...BFD. If she's 110 and is now 150....then you/she's got a problem.

Second...you need to present this as a health issue, not a looks/vanity issue.

As someone who has gained and lost(and gained and lost)a significant amount of weight over the years and is now diabetic because of it, the health risks are significant.

It's been my experience that women gain weight quickly once their "not on the hunt" as papasmert so eloquently put it, but it's the men who are much bigger once you're 20 years in on a relationship. The guys telling you to dump her fat ass are probably in their 20's. I'd like to have a crystal ball and see where they are in the mid-40's, weight wise.

Sometimes these changes are inevitable, especially after children. It just depends on genetics. Some women can never get their body back after childbirth, without surgery.

I would think that if you're on this board, then you haven't made any long term commitment to her. You think you're still a player, and on the market. If you have her as just the "trophy" girlfriend to show off and get regular sex from, and she no longer meets those criteria, then do the right thing, end it, and let her find a "nice guy" who won't be so critical.

 

[jw01]

hey guys
thxs for the help so far. i really appreciate the input.

about her fams, her mom was extremely fit, but i guess over the years and stress she has gained a fair amount of weight and she's in her early 40s.

she has a couple sisters but they are fit. i dont mind some meat on a women but she's gained some bad weight (u see it on her legs and stomach when she sits). like i get so pissed everytime i see it and i bring the topic up and she gets annoyed. frankly speaking, i'm really fedup (sorry for the rant), but i just dont know what to do. i dont want to leave her, but at the same time, i cant be with her if she doesnt do anything. i'm not sure what will motivate her. i'm fairly fit myself and if she works out with me she'll get back in shape in a few weeks, but she wont do that! so i'm not sure what to do.

i have tried the nice guy approach, sit down and talk approach, but i end up getting the guilty talk and she ends up getting pissed at me if i bring it up too much. but if i dont see her doing anything, isnt it my job to tell her (be up on it about it)? like i look at her sisters and i'm like wow, why my gf lo jkl! so outside of telling her ill leave her, what options do i really have? i wanted to go to some summer vacation (tropics) but with her body it'll be pretty shameful. i also made a bet with her for $500 on who can maintain and be better off by june-ish, but she's not doing anything and it's upsetting b.c im not in it for the $ lol, i'm in it for the results.

i'm sorry guys for the rant here, but i'm concerned and dont know what to do. thanks alot.

cheers...

 

[Terminator2000]

Let me know when she criticizes your height. Lmao!!

 

[Herodotus]

JW, I think you've answered your own question. You find her weight gain unacceptable. Just remember that she's a woman - she doesn't want unsolicited information, competitions and nagging; she wants someone to understand her, talk with her and listen to her.

My advice is to sit down with her and try talking and really listening to her. After you have had time to digest what she is truly saying, you can then state your concerns - her health (mental and physical) and your desire to be with someone who has the same outlook on fitness and health in day-to-day life as you do.

You shallow bastard! (I keed!)

 

[a 1 player]

Tell her the truth, just make damn sure you are indecent shape at the same time to avoid the pot calling the kettle blace. Yes she will get pissed, yes there will be a huge argument. It is time to put your cards on the table, and one of the things that I would bring up is that it is very immature of her to freak out for looking at another woman. So long as you are not oogling her. Shows to me that she has low self-esteem and jealousy issues.

 

[tboy]

LOL player, I think you meant to say he's "IN DECENT" shape, she's the one who is indecent lol....(sorry, found that really funny).

As for shallow, yeah, I said tell her to lose the weight or lose you. I'm not 20, I'm in my 40's and my waist is 32, it was 31 when I was 20. I weigh more now but I have more muscle than I did when I was 20 because of the work I do.

The weight gain because of age thing is a crock. Yes, as we age we CAN gain weight because our metabolism starts to slow but it doesn't have to be that weigh (lol pun, get it? lol)...I know many 40 and 50 yr olds that lead an active lifestyle, don't overeat (a major problem), and don't eat the wrong things ALL the time.....As for pregnancy, that too is a crock. I've known just as many women who went back to their original weight/shape within 4 months of childbirth as there have been women who gained 4 times what they should have and kept it to this day.

Sorry, I know sitting down and listening to her issues is the "good guy" thing to do but in the end, it will amount to a hill of beans. That is ALL she wants. We ALL know that the majority of women (and a lot of men too) let themselves go when they hear the L word and even more so when they hear "I do".

As someone else stated, her not caring about her weight gain is indicative of how she feels about YOU. If she was single tomorrow (and only JW can know for sure) I bet she'd be back to her pre-relationship appearance in a month.

JW: obviously it bothers you enough to come here and vent, and that is one thing these boards are good for, so don't apologize, let it out....IMO physical appearance is one of the 3 key elements to a relationship, along with emotional and intellectual traits. It is up to you JW to determine if it is the top one or two.

I mean, if she's perfect in every way OTHER than physical appearance, is she worth keeping? For eg: I was attracted to two women in the past who were not what I would call physically attractive (to me) but they made up for it in so many other ways that it didn't bother me in the least. Obviously it bothers you a lot otherwise you wouldn't come here so a decision has to be made.

The thing about weight gain (and it seems so it this case) is that all one has to do to lose weight, is take in less calories than you burn in a day. If she's got a secretary or office job where she sits on her ass all day, yet eats a big mac meal for lunch, she's heading down a slippery slope to obesity. For the record a Big Mac meal has about 2000 calories in it and that is more than most people need daily.

 

[GOLEAFSGO67]

Jw

You have no choice...you have to dump her. Now come up with an argument...a big fight..whatever..let hr down easy. But clearly she has issues and 'HEALTH' should be front and foremost...given how educated the world is now on diets.

She will onylyget bigger...GUARANTEED.

Cut your losses man!


unless shes real rich...and loves spending on you.....then....well....thats cool...keep her around......eating even more (working toward heart attack) and hobby (with her money) on the side!!