New Carry-on Rules: Airlines

[Aircraft]

Small sacrifices

I can't say for sure, but I think Joseph Jacobs, back in the 1890's, foresaw the controversy buzzing about here.

He knew that ordinary folk would be outraged and concerned about the possibility of unexplained and grievous harm that could visit the innocent.

Hence the concern of Henny penny, Cocky-lockey, Ducky-daddles, Goosey-poosey and Turkey-lurkey. Those were the ordinary Joes, the salt of the earth, unpretentious sort who felt anxious about their vulnerability to the unexpected, cruel, sadistic and contemptible.

But Foxy-loxey pretended to be one of them, and together with those malevolents who celebrated their self importance and pre-emptive priorities, he massacered them all - including his collaborators who fell to the ground demanding their money back.

The King, alas , was never informed about the chest-nut. But he was fully informed about the nuts. And, as it was later revealed, he was a wise king and actually knew about the problem all along.

He just needed some time to round up as many of Foxy-loxey's initiates as possible.

 

[goodtime]

Are empty plastic bottles prohibited? Can you then refill them past security then take them on the plane? There was no secondary baggage check at the gate.

Bingo! Problem can be solved, bottle with TSA approved seals at duty-free. Airline distribute bottle water after takeoff.

There's secondary baggage check at gate at Heathrow. If you fly BA or AA to U.S., there's a 2nd X-ray scanner at gate. I was search 3 times at Heathrow, once was random hand searched, yet a banned item in carry-on got thru.

 

[fantasiafan]

It's so bad now that you arent even allowed to bring yourself on the plane when you fly away on vacation OR business! Sheesh!

 

[xarir]

Today I took my 8th flight in less than 30 days. So as I was waiting by the bathroom I pondered this thread and tboy's assertations that we should all just shut the fuck up and suffer with no laptops, no cell phones, no ipods, no water, no ...

So then I started to wonder, if I was a terrorist and I wanted to kill tboy who was sitting there in silent sufferance along with everyone else on the airplane, what would I do? Here's what I came up with:

1) Open the door. As I was waiting for the bathroom I realized I was basically alone by the door. All I would have had to do is turn the handle, and poof! Instant decompression at 8000 metres altitude. If all went well (thinking like a terrorist here) the door would probably hit the engine which was just outside. In fact, it would probably get sucked in and cause the engine to explode, hopefully creating secondary damage along the fuselage and to the wing thus rendering a recovery of flight control unlikely to impossible.

2) Use the knives and forks. In biz class, they still give you real metal knives and decent sized forks. I imagine in first class you get stuff that's better still. The knives, if handled adroitly can easily incapacitate or kill someone. Ditto for the forks - they would make good stabbing weapons.

3) Failing the utensils, just grab a (bone china) plate and smash it. At least one of the pieces will make a decent cutting edge.

4) Sticking with the cutting tools, the alcohol bottles would make good weapons if first broken.

5) But if you don't want to break bottles, just use them a clubs. The champagne bottles would probably be especially good for this.

6) Still on the bottles, I'll bet you could make a good Molotov Cocktail with the vodka bottles. Even if you don't get the big bottles, those little, cute airline bottles would probably still go bang. I'll bet you could tape one to a window and blow it up. Would it blow the window? I'm not sure but it would surely damage it probably to a point that it would be dangerous to maintain altitude.

7) Use the newspapers. A rolled up newspaper can easily be used as a club and / or to choke someone.

8) As the plane was on final, the stewards came through to spray the air with anti-mosquito spray. (The efficacy of this procedure is a subject for a different rant.) What did they spray with? Egads! They were using aerosol cans (aka flamethrowers). These cans (many of them) were stored in the headbin above seat 5A / C on my flight. i.e. Cans were easily accessible to anyone in the biz cabin during flight.

So you see my dear tboy, there are in fact many ways to bring an airplane down and you don't even need to bring anything with you. The airlines are kind enough to supply you with all the weapons you really need.

And a last thought to this thread, if I really wanted to blow something up, I don't think I'd even bother with an airplane these days. There's just too much focus there. Why not just pull a Timothy McVeigh - get a can, buy a shitload of fertilizer and you're all set.