I came home this afternoon after picking up my copy of Quake 4 and I smelled something funny from my neighbour's house. I went over there and the door was unlocked so I went right in. Sure enough there was my neighbour and two of his friends smoking to their hearts content. I told them they had two options, one - they could put the joints out or two - I would put the joints out for them. My neighbour had run-ins with me before so he knew I meant business so he threw his joint down and told me to leave. I said you made a wise choice but I'm still calling the cops and then I turned to leave. My neighbour then got up off the couch got behind me and said a few cuss words and told me to mind my business. Well that did it. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "Let's get high". I then front kicked him a good 8 feet in the air. Then his other friend came at me with the bong, I grabbed his arm, snapped it and then hit him in the stomach with the bong. His other friend ran into the kitchen so I went after him. He was in the corner crying so I said "This is your brain" and then I grabbed a frying pan and said "This is your brain on drugs" and then I hit him in the head as hard as I could with the frying pan. After that I called the cops and they came over and arrested my neighbor and his friends. As I was leaving the sarge shouted out to me thanks. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "Well you know sarge, perhaps if we build a freaking Tim Horton's on this street it would give you guys a excuse to ride up here once or twice a week and keep the crime down". I then threw my shades on the ground to let him know I meant business. I feel pretty good about what I did for my neighbourhood today.
Post about how awesome you are
- Thread starter SilentLeviathan
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Let me get this right. You walked in uninvited into private property, assaulted 2 people unprovoked, one with a weapon (frying pan), for somebody doing nothing more than smoking a joint. I can see the lawsuits now.
Really shitty thing to do man.
Really shitty thing to do man.
holy S**T you are such a dick! I ditto A1 , maybe you should take a frypan to the melon! Remember pal this is Canada, freedom in your own home! Who are you freakin Dudley Doright?
You are such a putz!
You are such a putz!
"Well you know sarge, perhaps if we build a freaking Tim Horton's on this street it would give you guys a excuse to ride up here once or twice a week and keep the crime down". I then threw my shades on the ground to let him know I meant business. I feel pretty good about what I did for my neighbourhood today.What you did for your nieghborhood was break even more laws than the people you assaulted!
So, I was at work yesterday, and I happened to walk by this guy's desk. I noticed on his computer screen that he had his personal E-mails pulled up. I asked him who he thought he was to do this on company time, and then, he told me that his daughter was sick at home, so he was checking up on her. I then punched his cimputer screen out, and look him straight in the eye and said, "Who do you think I am? Jerry Lewis? I dont want to hear your sob story, so get back to work before I get you fired." He then said a few cusswords, and then he tried to punch me, I blocked it and I gave him a swift, round kick to the groin. I asked him if he wanted some more, and he came at me, again, so, I slapped him, then I hip tossed him into the nearest filing cabinent. I looked over my should at anther worker who was standing near by, and I said "File him under G..... for garbage." Needless to say, I was quite pleased, because now, that means there one less person in the company for people to look at. All eyes should be on me. I'm a stud.
That reminds me of the day I had.... (flashback transition)
I was riding the crowded subway when an old woman entered at an overly crowded Bloor Station. People were pushing and shoving to get onto an already crowded subway train. Seeing that this old broad was getting batted around like an old school pinball machine, I stood up to give the old woman a place to rest her rump. Just then some punk ass teens took the seat right out from under her wrinkly old bum.
I said to the kids "Hey Champ, why not let the geezer sit?"
The kids started mouthing off as kids usually do. So I elbowed the one chick in the mouth and bitch slapped the other Britney Spears looking skank and boxed her ears. Then I cracked both of their heads together and snapped their training bras really hard. It was totally wicked awesome. Turns out the old geezer was their granny. She swung her purse at me. Me having cat-like reflexes, did a Matrix-like dodge out of the way. I put her in a full-nelson and tossed her and the OLSEN TWINS out into the cold Rosedale station platform. The whole train was chanting MVP as I signed autographs all the way to Eglinton station.
When I got home I told my buddies all about my amazing subway triumph as we smoked the biggest fatty. That's when my retard neighbor who's seen the movie COBRA one too many times showed up. The rest is all a blur...
I was riding the crowded subway when an old woman entered at an overly crowded Bloor Station. People were pushing and shoving to get onto an already crowded subway train. Seeing that this old broad was getting batted around like an old school pinball machine, I stood up to give the old woman a place to rest her rump. Just then some punk ass teens took the seat right out from under her wrinkly old bum.
I said to the kids "Hey Champ, why not let the geezer sit?"
The kids started mouthing off as kids usually do. So I elbowed the one chick in the mouth and bitch slapped the other Britney Spears looking skank and boxed her ears. Then I cracked both of their heads together and snapped their training bras really hard. It was totally wicked awesome. Turns out the old geezer was their granny. She swung her purse at me. Me having cat-like reflexes, did a Matrix-like dodge out of the way. I put her in a full-nelson and tossed her and the OLSEN TWINS out into the cold Rosedale station platform. The whole train was chanting MVP as I signed autographs all the way to Eglinton station.
When I got home I told my buddies all about my amazing subway triumph as we smoked the biggest fatty. That's when my retard neighbor who's seen the movie COBRA one too many times showed up. The rest is all a blur...
Oh ya then I went over to Angelina's to get my stud on to the TOP GUN SOUNDTRACKangelinamassage said:oh, you forgot the hollywood ending where you get the chick...you didn't write that part into the script...lets hear it!
oh we're all flippin heros now,,, welli just stay home and wack off thinking of my next SP experience!
careful someone doesn't break in while you jack it and take off their sunglasses, look you straight in the eye and say some cliche line.
Hehehehehe. This one is even better than the beating up on pot heads story. You've managed to bring humor to the lounge. Thank you.SilentLeviathan said:
I am hoping that this becomes an on going saga. He is a talented writer no doubt. I laughed out loud as I read it Silent.
Ok now this thread is funny, good stories. You can tell from the angry reactions of some just who the smokers are lol.
Wishful thinking...
My 7-month-old cat recently scratched my daughter in an unprovoked attack -- for no apparent reason, other than being hyperactive. So I gathered a large collection of rocks and a cloth bag and took kitty down for a swim in the Humber river.
"Scratch your way out of that", I told her, as she wriggled and mewed her way south with the current. Last I saw of her in the distance she wasn't sounding or feeling so tough.
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I think I'll rename her, "Trout bait".
My 7-month-old cat recently scratched my daughter in an unprovoked attack -- for no apparent reason, other than being hyperactive. So I gathered a large collection of rocks and a cloth bag and took kitty down for a swim in the Humber river.
"Scratch your way out of that", I told her, as she wriggled and mewed her way south with the current. Last I saw of her in the distance she wasn't sounding or feeling so tough.
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I think I'll rename her, "Trout bait".
F
feminista
