Post about how awesome you are
- Thread starter SilentLeviathan
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ceteris paribus, Aspice, forum fungeris sine spe honoris amplioris all things being equal, face it, you're stuck in a dead end thread...
A few years ago me and one of my friends went out for some dinner so we stopped at a pretty nice restaurant. I don't smoke and most of the time I sit in the non smoking section but I didn't feel like walking to the back of the restaurant that day so me and my friend sat at the first table we came to in the smoking section. Since most people should be aware that I don't smoke I didn't think I would have any problems. I was wrong. This jerk lit up a cigarette right next to me. I couldn't belive this fat jerk was disrepecting me like this so I turned around and looked him right in the eye and said "You might want to put that out sir - that is,if you value your health". The guy said a couple of cuss words and told me to go to the non smoking section. Well that did it. I got up went over to the table and said "Excuse me sir but you didn't clean your plate", and then I took his plate and bashed him over the head with it. Then his friend that was with him got up and took a swing at me, I ducked it and then gave him a swift round kick to the ribs. I then hip tossed him on the table and then I turned around and looked one of the waiters right in the eye and said "This order's to go" and then I tossed the table with the guy on it a good 14 feet across the room. As me and my friend were storming out the manager apologized to us but I told him it was too late as I would never eat there again.
seduce the massWhaWhaWha said:
see theres good rythm already
"olay'Why couldnt this guy get off his ass and walk to the non-smoking?
he rather eat cracked ribs then bbq i guess
I was in town with one of my girlfriends today, and I decided to play one of those scratch off games again. I was very suprised when I won 1 million dollars on the spot, this was like the second time I won the lottery. I was about to claim my prize but then I thought to myself I'm already rich why not have some fun with this one? I told my girlfriend I was tired of her already so I left her at the gas station and went to find me some poor suckers. What better place than Wal Mart? I went up and down the asles until I found a poorly dressed man and wife along with their kid. I went up to the guy and showed the guy the ticket, and told him since I didn't need the money I was going to give it to him and his family, when he started to tear up I tore up the ticket and threw the pieces on the ground. I then started to walk away but this spinless punk then took a swing at me when my back was turned. That did it. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "Feeling lucky?". I then gave him a swift kick in the ribs and threw him into the pet section, I then caught a Wal Mart guy coming at me so I took a knife out of my jacket and threw it toward a chain holding up a sign, I then looked at the guy and said "Watch out for falling prices" and then the sign fell on him and knocked him out. I left the store but not before I complained to the manager about the kind of people they let in there.
But I really could have benefited from cashing that ticket
Next time pick on a Family at Value Village. Now they have it coming.
Next time pick on a Family at Value Village. Now they have it coming.
I walk into a Shopper's Drug Mart earlier today to buy some tissues, and at the counter, I hear the manager talking about some skateboard punks in the back by the garbage bins. The guy said he was about to have to call the cops. I told him there's no need to, I'll take care of it myself. So, I walked to the back of the store, and lo and behold, a couple of good for nothings were tearing the place up. A couple of them asked me what I was doing here, so I took of my shades, looked them straight in eye, and said, "I'm here to take out the trash", then I grabed one of their skateboards, and broke it over my knee. Then, one of them threw a punch at me. I caught it, and looked thr punk straight in the eye, and said "I'm afraid there's no need for you to be recycled", then I threw him straight over my head into one of the garbage dumpsters. Then, the rest of the kids ran away in fear. I was glad I could help my community, and look good doing it.
Recently, I found myself disenchanted with the litigious nature of private practice attorneys. Especially from the great state of Texas, where everything is bigger - especially the lawsuits. I could no longer sit idly by - something had to be done. I seized my opportunity when I learned that one Harold Whittington, a man who was too greedy to retire from his private legal practic at age 78, would be opening himself up to unnecessary risk. That would be his undoing.
He was to relax over the weekend with his high powered friends, including the Vice President of the United States. Hunting for caged Quailtards from Limousines camoflaged like duck blinds. I watched their car approach the Pen, camoflaged to look like a Covey. The ranch owner released a crippled wingless bird into the air with a swift kick to the butt and Harold opened fire. He missed but the bird, being flightless and stunned fell to the ground anyway. Noone expected him to retrieve the bird, but this fall was good enough for Harry Witless-ton. Off he toddled to collect his stunned prize. He retrieved it in the tall grass, while Cheney and a third hunter walked to another spot and discovered a second covey. Beaming with pride, Harry returned to his party just in time to see his pal Dick Cheney line up a shot.
From the Grassy Knoll I knew I had one chance to seize an opportunity for the betterment of mankind. Cheney took aim at the air where he expected the next flightless fowl to arc once vaulted. I took aim at the leech on society. Cheney cocked his rifle and squeezed the trigger. I pulled mine simultaneously. Our two shots rang out like one. Cheney missed the helpless feathered creature. I hit my target dead on in a spray pattern that ran up his left torso and across his smug face. Yup I peppered him pretty good.
Noone suspected that a second shooter was hiding in the background. Cheney, in an attempt to be a politician, stood silent for approximately 21 hours while teams of paramedics, doctors, chopper pilots, spin doctors, and special effects crews attempted to build a plausible case for blaming the victim. Cries of "he jumped in the way" rang out in perfect rehearsal. "whittington didn't signal", "The vice president didn't see them", "They thought he was a bird". It was all perfectly laid out. Ready to present to the public in a neat little package. But Deadeye Dick came to his senses in that 21st hour and in an attempt to become a better diplomat than his cheating lying boss, took the heat.
And the rest will live on in history. And only we will know just how awesome I am. That is if you all know what's good for you...
He was to relax over the weekend with his high powered friends, including the Vice President of the United States. Hunting for caged Quailtards from Limousines camoflaged like duck blinds. I watched their car approach the Pen, camoflaged to look like a Covey. The ranch owner released a crippled wingless bird into the air with a swift kick to the butt and Harold opened fire. He missed but the bird, being flightless and stunned fell to the ground anyway. Noone expected him to retrieve the bird, but this fall was good enough for Harry Witless-ton. Off he toddled to collect his stunned prize. He retrieved it in the tall grass, while Cheney and a third hunter walked to another spot and discovered a second covey. Beaming with pride, Harry returned to his party just in time to see his pal Dick Cheney line up a shot.
From the Grassy Knoll I knew I had one chance to seize an opportunity for the betterment of mankind. Cheney took aim at the air where he expected the next flightless fowl to arc once vaulted. I took aim at the leech on society. Cheney cocked his rifle and squeezed the trigger. I pulled mine simultaneously. Our two shots rang out like one. Cheney missed the helpless feathered creature. I hit my target dead on in a spray pattern that ran up his left torso and across his smug face. Yup I peppered him pretty good.
Noone suspected that a second shooter was hiding in the background. Cheney, in an attempt to be a politician, stood silent for approximately 21 hours while teams of paramedics, doctors, chopper pilots, spin doctors, and special effects crews attempted to build a plausible case for blaming the victim. Cries of "he jumped in the way" rang out in perfect rehearsal. "whittington didn't signal", "The vice president didn't see them", "They thought he was a bird". It was all perfectly laid out. Ready to present to the public in a neat little package. But Deadeye Dick came to his senses in that 21st hour and in an attempt to become a better diplomat than his cheating lying boss, took the heat.
And the rest will live on in history. And only we will know just how awesome I am. That is if you all know what's good for you...
that reminds me ....
I came home with a fresh bunch of hemp the other day.. and my buddy was in the kitchen with this frying pan imbedded in his head . It looked really uncomfortable
I came home with a fresh bunch of hemp the other day.. and my buddy was in the kitchen with this frying pan imbedded in his head . It looked really uncomfortable
I've been increasing my awesomness recently.
For months now dumptrucks of cheques, cash, bonds, convertible shares and even a few doubloons, eagles and krugerands have been delivered twice daily. You see, my artwork has been featured in numerous prestigious magazines all over the world: Brazillian Vogue, Lithuanian Elle, only the best. From that I developed a popular line of childrens toys. Well, Holywood producer's agents called pitching a toy-based action thriller reality erotic animated romance comedy flic, 3 of them, plus a game. I demanded Lee Van Cleef play the lead and there must be a scene where he urinates masculinely on a crying Tom Cruise's head. The Holywood producer said "Awesome".
My city councillor complained the street was being torn up from all the money trucks and wanted to raise my taxes or donate to his ball. I told him in no uncertain terms I cared not a bit for his balls and had one of the dumptrucks chase him back to his office where a "killdozer" was performed, it's on Youtube somewhere.
You might think, where's the police? I'm building a new division in my neighbourhood designed by BC's Patkau Architects including not one, not two, but 5 Tim Horton's, 2 Coffee Time's and a Starbucks. Said the police chief "Awesome".
I hired street thugs to break down my bank's double security doors to fit my exceedingly large $ sign bag. The non-English speaking rent-a-cop tried to stop us with his practiced "Thank you sir yes please No?" I gave him a shiny krugerand and he immediately rushed out screaming pidgin, but slipped on my thugs smashed doors and passed out. I picked up my krugerand.
The bank manager, having seen the size of my $ sign bag, had already ordered mint tea, but then he started spluttering about appointments, forms, revenue Canada! I told him I hire Lee Van Cleef to urinate on Tom Cruise and then I crushed him under the weight of my $ sign bag, pushed his speed dial to head office and demanded the CEO come and take my deposit. Said the CEO "Awesome".
For months now dumptrucks of cheques, cash, bonds, convertible shares and even a few doubloons, eagles and krugerands have been delivered twice daily. You see, my artwork has been featured in numerous prestigious magazines all over the world: Brazillian Vogue, Lithuanian Elle, only the best. From that I developed a popular line of childrens toys. Well, Holywood producer's agents called pitching a toy-based action thriller reality erotic animated romance comedy flic, 3 of them, plus a game. I demanded Lee Van Cleef play the lead and there must be a scene where he urinates masculinely on a crying Tom Cruise's head. The Holywood producer said "Awesome".
My city councillor complained the street was being torn up from all the money trucks and wanted to raise my taxes or donate to his ball. I told him in no uncertain terms I cared not a bit for his balls and had one of the dumptrucks chase him back to his office where a "killdozer" was performed, it's on Youtube somewhere.
You might think, where's the police? I'm building a new division in my neighbourhood designed by BC's Patkau Architects including not one, not two, but 5 Tim Horton's, 2 Coffee Time's and a Starbucks. Said the police chief "Awesome".
I hired street thugs to break down my bank's double security doors to fit my exceedingly large $ sign bag. The non-English speaking rent-a-cop tried to stop us with his practiced "Thank you sir yes please No?" I gave him a shiny krugerand and he immediately rushed out screaming pidgin, but slipped on my thugs smashed doors and passed out. I picked up my krugerand.
The bank manager, having seen the size of my $ sign bag, had already ordered mint tea, but then he started spluttering about appointments, forms, revenue Canada! I told him I hire Lee Van Cleef to urinate on Tom Cruise and then I crushed him under the weight of my $ sign bag, pushed his speed dial to head office and demanded the CEO come and take my deposit. Said the CEO "Awesome".
