would you tell your wife about your hobby?

[LeeHelm]

This is nonsense. You are descridbing what your bro friends are for.

So you are saying it is nonsense that married people that love one another and are totally committed to one another but can not or chose not to have sex is nonsense? That is truely sad.

My parents are in their 90s and doubt they are having sex but they are still in love just like they day they met. And they are no the only ones out there


It is none of my business what 2 people do behind closed doors. If they love and respect one another then they are extremely lucky people to have found one another. That is all that rally matters in the end. The rest is just gravy.

 

[theycallmebruce]

Agree 100%. Sex is just a benefit of a relationship not the building block. If sex is the reason you got married then you got married for the wrong reasons. The sex won't last long even in the best of sexual relationships. Age will take care of that and you can't stop it.

I think far less people would be married if they married for the right reasons.




There was a young couple that moved in next to me. She was really hot and at risk of my masculinity, he was a pretty great looking guy too. Both had been previously cheating on their respective spouses. It was pretty obvious why they were together. I always asked myself what would happen to them when someone better came along or one never found the other attractive. They both knew their histories. How could they ever trust one another?

So here is my question. Would you enter into a marriage knowing, up front, that there would be no sex? I can't fathom anyone that would agree to marriage without sex. But maybe I am wrong.

 

[LeeHelm]

So here is my question. Would you enter into a marriage knowing, up front, that there would be no sex? I can't fathom anyone that would agree to marriage without sex. But maybe I am wrong.

I would not bu there are people that do, None of my business why two people choose to be married. I really don't care if they are the opposite sex, same sex none of it matters. Perhaps they are just 2 old guys that are simply friends and get married for the legal benefit of being married so they are more easily able to care for one another legally. None of my business, really don't care why they did it.

 

[Jasmine Raine]

Like I said above. I have no problem with a couple that wants an open relationship. Not for me but I am not going to judge. But deceit is just plain wrong. Ask yourself how you would feel if someone that you loved and trusted betrayed you.

I don't have to ask. I know as it has happened. Deceit however comes in many forms in a relationship, so why should this type be any more or less of a "wrong" then other forms of deceit the relationship. Besides, it is not my relationship, so again, I will not judge. Which is what you seem to be doing to about 80% of the men on this board.

 

[pablice]

Deceit is a necessary evil, life and love depend in it.

 

[james t kirk]

Deceit is a necessary evil, life and love depend in it.

LOL, yes, you are correct.

As they say, there is the way that it should be and the way that it is.

 

[james t kirk]

I believe that if your marriage is sexless, the issue isn't really about sex, it's probably another problem that results in no sex. Ignoring whatever role a man has in that problem won't produce intimacy in the marriage.

Not always.

Different people have different sex drives and as we age, the sex drive (libido) usually ages also.

Sometimes women just turn off sex for no other reason than they simply aren't really that into it. Probably never were. My best friend told me recently that his wife will still fuck him from time to time, but no longer sucks his cock (whereas he always makes sure to suck her off). She just told him that she really didn't like sucking cock any more (despite her doing it in the past) and wasn't going to do it any more. As far as I can tell, he's a good guy, good husband, good everything. She's just turning off slowly but surely. I truly believe she's just losing her libido. I doubt she's having sex with others. Frankly, she's more into being a mother than being a wife. It's like when she had kids, the mothering gene turned on and the sex gene turned off.

 

[james t kirk]

As I think I have said before, I am/have been in the same situation for many years.

What I can't understand (and I have asked many others to explain it to me!) is how a woman who came to love sex as much as I do could have "lost it" and "gone cold." So what was/am I supposed to do, put my libido in the freezer?

I say that when a woman is able but refuses sex to her spouse she is just as "guilty" of a breach of "faith" in the relationship as the man who finds it elsewhere.

The only problem for me has been that P4P never achieves the kind of intimacy and eroticism that I experienced with my wife... and I miss it very much; also, making love with a clock ticking is not erotic. And, for me, as soon as a condom goes on, my erection goes soft so intercourse is out of the question in P4P... :Cry:

So, yes she knows but I don't offer any details. If she wants to divorce because of it, then my conscience is clear and she can do whatever she wants.

Perry

I feel your pain brother. I feel your pain. You are absolutely correct, pay for play is kibe compared to a lusty uninhibited sexual relationship with an open minded woman. P4P is all just fake at the end of the day. At best, it's the ultimate form of a lap dance and that's about it.

 

[theycallmebruce]

So you are saying it is nonsense that married people that love one another and are totally committed to one another but can not or chose not to have sex is nonsense? That is truely sad.

My parents are in their 90s and doubt they are having sex but they are still in love just like they day they met. And they are no the only ones out there


It is none of my business what 2 people do behind closed doors. If they love and respect one another then they are extremely lucky people to have found one another. That is all that rally matters in the end. The rest is just gravy.

The example of your parents is a bit extreme. I am sure that they were having sex, hence your birth. However, my point is that being in a sexless marriage should be agreed upon from "both" parties.
When one partner decides, for whatever reason, that they do not want to partake in intimacy, then I found that to be very sad.

 

[theycallmebruce]

I would not bu there are people that do, None of my business why two people choose to be married. I really don't care if they are the opposite sex, same sex none of it matters. Perhaps they are just 2 old guys that are simply friends and get married for the legal benefit of being married so they are more easily able to care for one another legally. None of my business, really don't care why they did it.

So according to your statement, it would be okay for me to marry my best heterosexual male friend for the sake of the legal benefits? To me, that sounds morally and ethically wrong. That sounds like I would be taking advantage of the system. I don't really think you mean this, btw.

 

[LeeHelm]

The example of your parents is a bit extreme. I am sure that they were having sex, hence your birth. However, my point is that being in a sexless marriage should be agreed upon from "both" parties.
When one partner decides, for whatever reason, that they do not want to partake in intimacy, then I found that to be very sad.

LOL, I never said they never had sex. I used to hear them! Yuck, if that isn't a memory that can lead to psychological problems. What I said was now they are in their 90s they are most likely not having sex. It is their mutual respect and love for one another that keeps them together. Had sex been a reason for their marriage they would have been divorced long ago.

I am not saying sex isn't important in a marriage. It is but with one another. But satisfying your own sexual desires at risk of the relationship is wrong. If it is the the sex that is more important to you then fine. But don't be in a relationship at risk of devastating someone else.

 

[LeeHelm]

So according to your statement, it would be okay for me to marry my best heterosexual male friend for the sake of the legal benefits? To me, that sounds morally and ethically wrong. That sounds like I would be taking advantage of the system. I don't really think you mean this, btw.

Why should it be morally or ethically wrong? Your reasons for being married are only between you and the other person and possibly your church. To the government it should not matter. It should be a civil agreement and nothing more. And yes I do mean it. It is not for me but I am not going to stand in the way of someone that want s to do it.

What difference does it make if two male friends get married or a heterosexual couple that never has sex? Do we prohibit marriage after a certain age and have government monitors going to the homes of younger couples to make sure they are having sex?

 

[waba]

if u want a fast divorce, then u would tell ur wife about this hobby

 

[Sugar-D]

If you were married, do you think your wife would be ok if you told her about your hobby? What would happen to your marriage if you told her?

Ummmm, are you crazy. This is the single stupidest question I have ever seen.

 

[waba]

Ummmm, are you crazy. This is the single stupidest question I have ever seen.

i think if it was reversed, he wouldn't be so stupid lol

would you tell your husband about your hobby?

that should do the trick to smack his head upright!

 

[pablice]

People spend their lifetime chasing that ferry life thinking how theirs should be like and miss out on appreciating the one and the people that they currently have. Nobodies life is perfect, it is the imperfections that make life and us perfect. Imagine how boring life would be if it was all perfect. Unfortunately people realize this when its too late and when they abandon the people that love them for real. This is the unfortunate reality. I say fuck no to chasing winds that will never materialize. Sometimes it takes looking death straight in the face to realize this. Unfortunately I was lucky I did, however I still live today to the fullest in all my imperfections with the imperfect people in my life I have grown to love and accept and they love and accept me back.

I said the same things I say now 4 years ago on my_terb. Everybody thought I was crazy...I still say it today with contention, however this time there are less people thinking I am crazy and I am still happy and content with my lifestyle and choices...hmmmm...lets see how many of you are still left 10 years from now chasing your ferry winds and spitting your make belief nonsense.

Even though I fill part of my sex eros love void outside my marriage I still love my wife and are loved back in return...this IMO is the purpose and meaning of life.

Yeah, james t kirk some will never accept their reality and will always live the life others want them to live.

LOL, yes, you are correct.

As they say, there is the way that it should be and the way that it is.

 

[Titalian]

It should be. It is something that is very important. Quite often a woman can forget the importance of it. I feel because she is often thinking about everyone else in the family and their other needs, but sex should be apart of the "vows" so to speak.

I think that if either party is not able or does not want to provide sexually for their partner, then they should be willing to accept professional assistance. In this case, men seeking P4P arrangements via escorts, MPAs, porn/webcam, etc. Whatever happens to work for that person.

I think rules can be put in place to protect the family as a whole. For example, safe practices only, no in your face style tell all about encounters, a budget, no "bringing it home" meaning keep the sex out of the family home and even limiting repeat visits.

I will say that I believe it is important to exhaust all options within the marriage first of course. Quite often a woman will feel unappreciated, unattractive, unwanted sexually etc, Or tired and run down. These are things that can be resolved at times and therefore the sex life will pick back up.

I already admit I am an oddball in my thinking, so I can't really expect this to happen for married couples, therefore I will not judge the married men here for finding their needs met elsewhere.

Probably, the most honest and real statement, of this whole thread. Yes, sex should be a part of the relationship. Pleasing one another physically keeps the passion glowing !!

 

[thirdcup]

The example of your parents is a bit extreme. I am sure that they were having sex, hence your birth. However, my point is that being in a sexless marriage should be agreed upon from "both" parties.
When one partner decides, for whatever reason, that they do not want to partake in intimacy, then I found that to be very sad.

How about when one partner complies but only out of duty i.e.: phoning it in? The only time my partner came on to me was when she wanted to get pregnant and it was the right time in her cycle. She had a plan. She had been telling me for weeks in advance which night was going to be 'the night.' For that one night she was an animal.

The only other times anything happened was if I started things, and for a long while I was treated to such intoxicating language like 'can we finish up soon?'

I understand that taking care of infants and little kids takes a tremendous amount of energy, and for those early years I made sincere efforts to be sympathetic to the demands put upon her. But when the kids get big enough to be left alone for hours at a time, even for a night out, the mother switch still stays on, and the wife switch still stays off. Yes, girls; lots of men, too, know what it's like to feel used.

I think that for those women, they don't mind that one of their wifely 'chores' has been cut back or outsourced altogether, as long as it doesn't stop the gravy train or cause awkwardness/embarrassment.

 

[james t kirk]

How about when one partner complies but only out of duty i.e.: phoning it in? The only time my partner came on to me was when she wanted to get pregnant and it was the right time in her cycle. She had a plan. She had been telling me for weeks in advance which night was going to be 'the night.' For that one night she was an animal.

The only other times anything happened was if I started things, and for a long while I was treated to such intoxicating language like 'can we finish up soon?'

I understand that taking care of infants and little kids takes a tremendous amount of energy, and for those early years I made sincere efforts to be sympathetic to the demands put upon her. But when the kids get big enough to be left alone for hours at a time, even for a night out, the mother switch still stays on, and the wife switch still stays off. Yes, girls; lots of men, too, know what it's like to feel used.

I think that for those women, they don't mind that one of their wifely 'chores' has been cut back or outsourced altogether, as long as it doesn't stop the gravy train or cause awkwardness/embarrassment.

True.

I remember one time I went over to a couple's get together. Everyone was pretty much the same age, many were married up and having kids and the conversation turned to kids and chores and some of the women were saying in effect that kids were just such an incredible amount of work that they were so exhausted all the time, blah blah blah and that their husbands were exhausted too blah blah blah and that there was no sex any more because we are both exhausted, blah blah blah. Of course, the husbands dutifully nodded in agreement or chuckled about it, blah blah blah.

But I can assure you that later on out back around the barbeque, the male only conversation essentially boiled down to, "she may be too exhausted for sex, but I'm not, I've been banging this hot little number at work" and "I've been seeing my old girl friend every tuesday afternoon". In the group of us, I think there may have been 1 male who had dutifully cut his balls off because his wife was more interested in being a mother than anything else. The rest, by hook or by crook, were still getting laid. That portion of the work had just been subcontracted out.